Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
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I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
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You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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