quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
