Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
