New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
