yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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