Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
