Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Randomize
