Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
