Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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