I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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