I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
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I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
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i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
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