Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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