I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize