i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize