Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
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You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/