She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why