Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
We don't watch enough power rangers
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.