Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
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Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.