remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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