he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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