Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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