Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
