I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day