I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical