Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night