I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize