I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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