turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
