so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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