Only a mothe r could love this liver
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I touched a dick in church today
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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