True but thats because hes a fetus.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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