Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Randomize
