it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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