i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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