I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
