Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
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For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
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