I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
