yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.