Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
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I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
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spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I am one with the molecules