Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me