yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I want her autograph on my taint
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I am mentally ready for anal.