and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
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I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
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Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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