i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.