Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
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Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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