im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
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