Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
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you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
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the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize