So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize