6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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