That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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