Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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