Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize