I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
