You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
can u get pink eye on your cock?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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