1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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