Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
He felt like a one man threesome
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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