somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
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He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
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Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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