he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.