I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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