Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
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I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
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You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
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