Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
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I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
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