i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
